I Am Malala

Audiobooks: So that talking to myself isn’t my only adult interaction of the day

/ srabbott2 / 3 Comments

I love having the opportunity to be home with my kids.  We do our best to get out of the house, have play dates, go to museums, etc.  They require a lot of brain power sometimes, especially when figuring out discipline.  But it’s a different kind of brain power than I used while working and going to school.  They are a little less intellectually stimulating.

I see women, especially stay at home moms, commenting regularly on the internet about feeling like they are losing themselves.  Me too.  I’ve been there, still there sometimes.  I mean we all love our kids, and for many of us the staying home thing is a CHOICE we made.  But if you’re not careful, kids and basic child and home care can suck the life out of you.

As I mentioned in my birth stories post, I started suffering from depression while I was pregnant with my second.  I then faced a very traumatic birth experience which left me with Post Traumatic Stress on top of PPD and a predisposition to anxiety.  When I say a predisposition to anxiety I mean that when I am at my typical baseline I can cope fine without the help of medication, certain situations and circumstances can put me over the edge, but overall I’m fine and functional.  That wasn’t the case during the pregnancy or after.  I ended up being treated with medication after, which I am so glad I did, but I also didn’t want to be on it forever.

I found a really great primary care doctor who wanted to help me with my goals, we set up a plan for me to take the meds for 6 months and in the meantime work on building up my ability to cope so that I could wean off the meds and be fine.

So she asked me what I could do for ME, something that had nothing to do with kids or home or even my husband, just ME.  I was pretty stumped.  I sing in a community choir once a week, which is awesome and a great outlet, but it’s once a week.  She wanted me to figure something out daily.  She asked me what I used to do before kids that was for me….uh…..this shouldn’t be that hard to think of, but I mean back then everything was for me because I didn’t have kids.  So that was my homework assignment, to take some time to figure something out that could be just for ME.

I did some soul searching.  I mean whatever it was going to be it couldn’t really take up much time because then you have to find babysitters which can end up just adding extra stress and anxiety because then you have to find someone that’s available and hope that you aren’t causing them extra stress, and do you pay them or trade because too much of both would just add more stress and then there’s the financial commitment of going to something like Yoga which is everyone’s first idea of what you should do if you struggle with anxiety, but I’m not flexible so yoga might just be frustrating and add to my anxiety anyway…. and now you probably feel anxious as well as you realize how much my brain over thinks and can’t just do something for me.

So needless to say, yoga was out.  I started thinking about what I felt like I was missing that I used to have.  The two things that came to me were intellectual stimulation and frequent adult interaction.  I have awesome friends, but we’re not together all day like you are with coworkers.

Then the little light bulb went off in my brain.  When I have light bulb moments all the crazy racing thoughts calm down.  For me, that’s how I know that the Spirit is telling me something, the storm of thoughts calms down and I can think clearly through a plan.  Audiobooks that little voice said.  They take no extra time away from my family so I don’t have to worry about babysitters or the mom guilt of leaving them.  I can listen to them while I drive which also fixed the annoyance I was starting to feel at every song on the radio (I think I got old, I can’t stand what the kids are listening to these days).  I can listen while I do housework which makes housework more fun because I try not to think of it as chore time as much as audiobook time.  I pick books that are intellectually stimulating and there’s an adult voice talking at me.  So it doesn’t remove my need for actual adult interaction, but it’s way better than the little voices on Umi Zoomi and Bubble Guppies (although of the kids shows out there I do find these ones less annoying).

Pause- why not just actually read?  For me I struggle with taking the time to sit down and read when there are so many things I feel like I should be getting done.  Also, nothing puts me to sleep faster than reading.  In high school my mom legit read the entirety of Jane Eyre out loud to me because when I sat down to read it within ten minutes I would be asleep.  This also might sound silly, but holding a book hurts my neck and arms- pathetic right, like I should probably do some arm exercises so I can hold the weight of a book up.  Finally, you can’t read and drive so it would cut out a significant amount of my “reading” time.

I’ve been listening to books basically constantly now since January and I’m loving it.  It’s been a great way to use my phone as a tool instead of a trap.  I’ve been very inspired by a lot of the books and also feel like I can have more meaningful conversations.  I was struggling a lot when people asked what I was up to in life, well….kids.  And again, I love my kids and I will tell people about my kids, but now I also have something for ME to add in to conversations.

Side note- I was able to successfully get off my meds a few months ago.  Now, I’m not suggesting that audiobooks are a CURE for depression and anxiety.  But for me, finding something that is fun, stimulating, and focused solely on my interests instead of the interests of my family has helped me feel like me again which in turn has helped me be a better mom and wife.  You’ve gotta take care of yourself before you can really take care of others.

So without much further ado…what have I been listening to and how I access them?  Here comes some unsponsored reviews.

First off, how I access them.  I primarily use the app Overdrive, but also sometimes use Audible.

Overdrive:

Pros:  It’s FREE!!!  You sign in to your library using your library card and then you can access a bunch of audiobooks (or e-books if that’s your thing).

Cons:  It’s free…which means that there are frequently wait lists for more popular books.  Once a book is checked out you have 2 weeks before it disappears on you (but hey, you never have to worry about late fees).  I’ve run into issues before where I’ve been on a few wait lists and suddenly 2 books are checked out to me at the same time, I think if you are watching your place in the lineup and you realize that might happen you can let someone go ahead of you in line, but I don’t pay enough attention and haven’t tried it, so then I have 2 books to finish in only 2 weeks.  You’re also limited to what they have available, you can suggest books for them to buy, but you are left to them to decide if they will or not and on their timetable.

Audible:

Pros: Lots more books, no time constraints because you own it.

Cons: Not free.  Audiobooks can be a little pricey but you can subscribe and then use credits to buy books typically at a discount (except some books cost less than a credit is worth to buy them outright).

I use Overdrive most of the time because I enjoy free, but periodically we subscribe to Audible for a month or 2 to get credits and my husband and I buy a few books at a time.  We have very different book interests so we share an account, but for the most part don’t share books, every now and then we find something for a road trip that we both find interesting.

Now for some book reviews!

I am Malala by Christina Lamb, Malala Yousafzai, and Patricia McCormick:  I kinda feel like this should be mandatory reading for our country right now.  This really helped me understand what has been going on in the Middle East.  It also helped me learn so much more about different groups within the Islamic faith.  I felt empowered as a woman and an educator, I felt my heart grow and develop greater charity, and I felt sad that so many people judge Muslims based on a such a small group of extremists.  If you only read one book from my list, make it this one.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart: very inspiring and well presented.  It’ll make you think twice about leaving windows open or picking up a hitch hiker.  She is very honest and straightforward about what happened to her without being uncomfortably graphic.

Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielsen: this is about the LDS blogger who was in a plane crash and burned over 80% of her body.  This was really powerful.  I loved how real and open she was about the struggles, both physical and emotional, that she went through in her healing process.  It was really inspiring.

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand: Holy Cow!  This is the story of Louis Zamperini an Olympic track star turned second lieutenant in the Army Air Corps during World War II.  He survived 47 days floating on a raft (which is a crazy enough story as it is) only to then be captured and spend the next 3 years in various Japanese prisoner of war camps, only to have to come home and figure out how on earth to piece a life back together.  His story is a beautiful example of endurance, love, and faith.  I learned a lot of things about the Pacific Theater that I didn’t know previously.  I feel like the main focus in my schooling about World War II was on the European Theater, which is really important to know and understand, and there’s only so much time that can be devoted to it, but it was really interesting to learn more about what was going on on the other side of the world.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: Another World War II story, this one is a work of fiction.  This is book is beautiful.  He is really able to paint an amazing picture with words.  The book jumps back and forth following a blind French girl and a German orphan whose talent with radios lands him a high ranking place in the German army.  The story is very touching and really makes you think through difficult topics.  I loved every minute of it.

Animal Farm by George Orwell:  Not sure how I got through High School and then college without ever reading this, but I did.  So glad I finally took the chance to read it.  It’s pretty short.  I listened to it on the way to and from Tucson in a single day.  It’s scary how much it reminded me of our present political situations.

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo:  Some really awesome ideas, and I’m trying to implement things.  Mostly I wish I could afford to have her come over and fix my house because I’m not sure how I would ever find large enough blocks of time to do it on my own.  A lot of the ideas sounded amazing if you live by yourself, but living with a husband and children a lot of things didn’t feel super practical.  So, unfortunately it didn’t completely change my life like I hoped, but I do get rid of stuff and have found some better ways to keep things organized.  I also really liked her thought that we should say thank you to our possessions for what they do for us but once they are no longer serving a purpose it is time to put them to rest.

Rising Strong and Daring Greatly by Brene Brown: These were life changing.  I can’t say enough about how much I love Brene Brown, her work, her ideas, and her delivery.  I feel like we’re kindred spirits.  She explains her ideas using stories and personal experiences.  If you need help with parenting, leadership, marriage, or just general being a good person then her writing is for you.  I am excited to keep reading more of her stuff in the future.

The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle: Mind blown- which might have been the point.  There were a lot of things I wholeheartedly agreed with, a lot of things I am still attempting to process, and some things I outright disagreed with.  Which is probably the mark of a good book because it really made me think.  Except his whole point was to stop thinking so hard, so I’m still not really sure how I felt about it.

Beautiful Bodies by Kimberly Rae Miller:  I loved this book.  I felt like in many ways she was writing my story of struggling with body image issues since an all too young age.  It made me cry, made me laugh, made me angry, and left me feeling empowered.  I could go on and on about this topic, but that probably needs to be its own post at some point.  Warning, there is a little bit of adult language and subject matter.  But seriously if you have ever struggled with body image or know someone who does, or you want to help prevent body image issues in your children then this book is for you.

Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shetterly: I saw the movie first.  The movie was very compelling, interesting, and entertaining, but also stretched the truth a lot and added in story elements that aren’t in the book.  I’m assuming they did this to make it more interesting, because unfortunately while the book has a very interesting topic, I didn’t find the presentation very interesting.  I’m still glad I gave it a listen because I think it is really important to bring out the “Hidden Figures” of history across the board.

Magnolia Story by Chip Gaines, Joanna Gaines, and Mark Dagostino: This one I actually physically read, crazy right!  I had the opportunity to go visit Waco back in February and wanted to read it before I went so a beautiful friend loaned me her copy.  I couldn’t put it down.  They are some really inspiring people.  In fact, this book is part of what gave me the kick to get serious about getting this blog started (it still took me a few months after I finished the book, but here we are so obviously it worked).  I feel like Joanna and I have a lot in common with big dreams, but when she would share those dreams with Chip he would make them a reality.  While I’m still not as willing to take as many risks as Chip takes, in fact if my husband did half the things Chip did/does I would have pretty regular and major freak outs, but it really inspired me to realize that I did need to stop just dreaming, take some risks, and just get moving on things.

Past General Conferences:  These I listen to through the Gospel Library App, not Overdrive or Audible.  This is may be the best of both worlds because they are free and I can listen at my leisure.  Twice a year the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints holds a worldwide General Conference in which the General leaders address us on pertinent topics effecting us in these times.  In many ways its a great opportunity to consider how the scriptures of old apply to us in modern times.  I started listening “backwards” starting with the most recent and then I’m moving backwards through the conferences.  I’m back to 2013.  I’m really enjoying re-listening, there’s been several talks that I had forgotten about that maybe didn’t apply to me in great deal at the time that are really hitting me now.  While this definitely doesn’t replace sitting down and studying, it’s a great way to get a little bit of inspiration in during the day.  And General Conference is coming up again next week!  You can stream it and watch from home or find a meetinghouse near you.

 

Thanks for reading!  I hope you’ve found some ideas for “me time” whether that’s going to be books or not, and if it is books, then I hope you give some of these a gander.

What have you been reading lately???  I’m always looking for more!

 

 

 

Kindness and Charity- Part 2- Barriers

/ srabbott2 / 1 Comment

In part one I discussed background and definitions for kindness and charity.  If you didn’t read that one, first off you should, but if you’re still not convinced to click and give it a quick perusal, essentially charity is a deep and powerful love for mankind.  The kind of love that would motivate you to do anything to help another person.  Kindness is how we express our feelings of charity.

This post will deal primarily with some of the barriers I feel that many of us face that either prevent us from developing or diminish our feelings of charity.  Part 3 will share some ways to break down the barriers.

As I talk about some of these barriers you might realize that you’ve done some of these things.  My intention is not to call out anyone individually as these are things I have observed generally and in many cases struggle with as well.  So please don’t feel like I think you’re a bad person if you struggle with these barriers, just take the opportunity to look introspectively and consider if there might be some ways you could improve.  (The correct answer is that all of us can improve in all of these areas!).

With out much further ado (although I do enjoy further ado), the barriers:

ASSUMING SINISTER MOTIVES

We all do this from time to time, sometimes in very simple ways.  We assume that someone did something specifically to bother us, or that they are a jerk, etc.  But I see this most often in regards to political positions.  We assume that the other side of the issue is evil, lazy, hateful, and in general the spawn of Satan.

Let me give an example.  Trigger warning, controversial subject about to be discussed!

Welfare.

Chances are a lot of you just got in the mood to be defensive about your position and why the other side is wrong, and evil, etc.  I see this all the time.  A person with conservative leanings expresses an opinion that contradicts the current welfare system.  Immediately it is assumed that they HATE poor people!  They don’t understand what it’s like.  Etc. Etc. Etc.

On the flip side someone says something in favor of the current welfare system and the other side assumes they’re just lazy, they aren’t even trying, etc. etc. etc.

Stop!  Take a step back.  Don’t assume sinister motives.

So I fall in the camp of having concerns with the way the welfare system is run currently.  If you accuse me of hating poor people I might smack you (except that wouldn’t be very charitable so I won’t!).  It’s quite the opposite actually.  I don’t say this to toot my own horn, or do my alms before men, but you should know before you accuse me of hating poor people that my family donates a decent portion of our income to the poor, I regularly hand food or water bottles to pan handlers on the street, I recently helped in a service project to make “plarn” (plastic yarn) that gets crocheted into sleeping mats for the homeless, and last week I took dinner to a refugee family arriving from Cuba.  I spent a good amount of time on my mission serving and teaching people in the ghetto and spent my first year and a half of teaching in a Title I school.  So yep, you got me, the reason I disagree with how the welfare system is run because I HATE poor people.  Quite the opposite actually, I have qualms with it because I love the people being served by these programs but have unfortunately witnessed generational problems and even oppression that are the unintended consequences of the system and simply feel that there might be a better way to serve them.

Are there people that disagree with welfare that can be hateful and need a charity check? Oh most definitely.

Flip side.  As I mentioned above I have had the opportunity to associate with a lot of people with financial struggles.  By and large they are not lazy.  They are trying their best.  They need help.  And those that I know that support the welfare system in its current state simply want to help them.

Are there some that are lazy or wasteful?  Uh, yeah, a few.

Now we could argue and debate until we’re blue in the face about the merits of both sides.  But that’s not my point here.  My point is that when we stop assuming the other side has sinister motives and instead attempt to understand their position and feel charity, maybe just maybe, we could have a civil discourse and actually kindly solve some problems.

But also, do take a look at your motivation for your positions, and ask yourself, “What if love [was my] only motive?”

 

VIEWING PEOPLE AS “OTHERS” INSTEAD OF AS “BROTHERS”

Another barrier to charity that I see is that we label people in other groups instead of viewing them as human beings, children of God- literally our brothers and sisters in the human family.  It’s easy to speak disdainfully of groups: Democrats, Republicans, Christians, Jews, Muslims, Atheists, Whites, Blacks, Mexicans, Illegals, Gays, Pro-lifers, Pro-choicers, Feminists, the Wealthy, the Poor, the “others”.  When we view people as “others” instead of “brothers” we have a tendency to dehumanize them, we say things about groups that we probably wouldn’t say about individuals.  We make assumptions, pass judgment, and turn them into the enemy.  We start to hate them.  But we don’t really know who “they” are.

They are individuals, complex human beings, our brothers and sisters.

Here’s another pretty controversial topic to illustrate this point:

Police brutality, the BLM movement, etc.

People have been killed by police officers.  I’ve seen a lot of lies, damn lies, and statistics about the numbers.  Some people throw out the argument that it’s being blown out of proportion because more white people are actually killed each year than black people, but then there are fewer black people than white people in America so what’s the actual percentage.  And we go around and we fight and we lay blame on the “others.”  It’s their fault!  Insert whichever antecedent for “their” that you want.

What if when one of these horribly unfortunate stories comes up on the news we stopped for a moment and grieved for our brothers.  A human life was lost, and whatever circumstances lead up to it, that’s sad, and we ought to mourn for our brothers, the one that we lost and the ones closely involved that will now go through the grieving process of the one lost.  After we’ve taken a moment to mourn, then we can calmly begin to discuss what everyone as part of the human family can do to prevent future tragedies whether that’s police training, body cameras, better outreach programs in struggling neighborhoods, better education, or whatever other ideas can be thought of.  Then when someone has a different idea than you do, see above, don’t assume sinister motives, try looking at them as your brother.

I have 2 biological brothers.  Do we agree on everything?  Heavens no!  Do they drive me crazy sometimes?  Most definitely!  Sometimes I tell them things straight up when I think they’ve made a less awesome decision, and things are definitely more peaceful when we don’t live under the same roof.  But they’re my brothers, and I love them.  I hurt when they hurt, I feel joy in their accomplishments, I worry for them, I cheer them on and support them.  And all of that comes ahead of any disagreements on lifestyle choices, political views, religious convictions, or plain brotherly annoyance.

If we could start looking at “others” as our “brothers,” maybe we could love them despite the differences, we could stop entrenching against each other, and we could start working together.  We could develop feelings of charity and show them kindness.

 

MISUNDERSTANDINGS AND THE RESULTING FEAR

There’s an unfortunate amount of misinformation, fake news, and outright lies that are generated and perpetuated (much faster thanks to the invention of something we like to call the “interwebs”).  One of my favorite examples of the perpetuation of ridiculous information is that my grandfather, while serving an LDS mission in the late 1940’s in the central United States, was approached by a stranger and asked if they could see the scars on his head from where his horns were removed.  This person had been told that all Mormons were born with horns.  For the record, we are not born with horns, we are just normal people, ok maybe normal is a stretch, but we are in fact human beings lacking in the horn department.

But imagine for a moment the fear that could result from this misinformation.  There is a natural trepidation that comes with the unknown, but if you add on top of it frightening misinformation about the unknown that will result in outright fear.  If I thought someone was walking around that might have horns I might become overly defensive which at the least could lead to blocking out otherwise nice people, or worst case scenario, in many cases this type of unfounded fear from misinformation has lead to violence.

On a much more serious note, the spreading of misinformation and outright lies about the Jews is what allowed a nation, which I’m sure for the most part was actually full of very wonderful and loving people, to commit, support, or at least stand by and allow the atrocities performed during the Holocaust.  It took some very evil people in power, with some evil henchmen, to convince a lot of neutral people to be afraid, and next thing you know, they aren’t so neutral.

This problem was not isolated to the early 1900s.  In fact, in some ways it might be getting worse because of the internet.  Fear mongering as click bait runs rampant.  Fake news, or at least assumptions without facts are made constantly (and you know what they say about assume).

I see this most often currently in regards to Muslims.  The picture that has been painted of Muslims for Americans for years has been very negative and in most respects completely wrong.  Do they have customs, traditions, and beliefs that differ greatly from most common American customs, traditions, and beliefs? Yes.  Has there been oppression of women in certain areas?  Yes.  Are there some extremists that have done and continue to do some very evil things with the guise of being for Islam?  Yes- but they are few and far between.

I recently read I Am Malala about a teenage girl from Pakistan who was an activist for education and was shot in the head by the Taliban.  The book is wonderful, I learned so much from it, but my biggest take away wasn’t something that was explicitly discussed in the book.

I feel like the general public views Muslims as a little more cohesive than they actually are.  If you consider Judaism, there are several sects that follow “the Law” with varying degrees of orthodoxy from those that live in small communes and keep kosher exactly, to groups that live their daily lives in a similar manner to the mainstream but still hold to traditions and holidays.  The rabbis may bicker among themselves what is correct, but they are all Jews.  Same with Christians.  There are so many different sects of Christianity, following the same basic core beliefs, and yet practicing it and interpreting it so many different ways.  There are some groups that follow a very rigid set of laws, and others that take a more “anything goes” approach as long as you accept Jesus.  While the groups bicker and sometimes try to define other groups out of Christianity, they are all Christians.

But Muslims, without knowing much about what they believe, I fear that the picture most Americans have in their head is that all women are forced to wear burkas and can’t leave their house alone, and all men are blood thirsty jihadists.  That is so far from being the truth.  Within Islam there are also many groups with varied approaches to how they practice.  Malala, and particularly her father, are very devout in their faith, and yet less traditional than the picture that has been painted in the minds of most Americans.

It made me begin to realize that many people are judging all Muslims off of misinformation and the fear of a small group of extremists.  I would prefer not to be judged as a Christian off of the actions of the Westboro Baptists, so don’t judge Muslims, who are by and large very peaceful, off of the actions of an extremist group.

The moral of the story- learn and research from credible sources before you jump to fear as your conclusion.  Think and fact check before sharing something that might contain misinformation.  Don’t let misinformation and the resulting fear allow you to stand back and allow atrocities to happen to others.

Don’t let barriers get in the way of developing charity and demonstrating kindness for ALL of God’s children.

_________

Coming soon- Part 3- Breaking Down the Barriers