Latter-day Saint Mission

I Will Show Unto You a God of Miracles

/ srabbott2 / 2 Comments

This is a talk I gave in church on 11/8/2020. The prompt came from the weekly Come Follow Me Lesson.

In all the craziness, uncertainty, and inconsistency of this year, I’m grateful we have had studying Book of Mormon as our constant.

As we wind down our reading of the Book of Mormon, this week we studied the last few chapters in Mormon, however most of it was actually written by Moroni who was finishing his father’s life’s work.

Additionally, Moroni was granted a vision of our day so he would know what we needed to know and focus on so that we could endure the last days.

Here’s how he discusses one of these areas of focus:

“Behold, are not the things that God hath wrought marvelous in our eyes? Yea, and who can comprehend the marvelous works of God?

Behold, I will show unto you a God of miracles.” (Mormon 9)

Why of all things that we are faced with in our day would he want us to focus on miracles?

There are many in our day who deny God’s existence, deny his miracles, or claim that miracles ceased after the New Testament times.  We need to know that he continues to be a God of miracles because:

“If there were miracles wrought then, why has God ceased to be a God of miracles and yet be an unchangeable Being? And behold, I say unto you he changeth not; if so he would cease to be God; and he ceaseth not to be God, and is a God of miracles.” (Mormon 9)

Our understanding of the nature of God is a vital part of our doctrine and our testimonies.  To deny miracles is to deny the nature of God as being unchanging.  And yet:

“For every infirm man healed instantly as he waits to enter the Pool of Bethesda, someone else will spend 40 years in the desert waiting to enter the promised land. For every Nephi and Lehi divinely protected by an encircling flame of fire for their faith, we have an Abinadi burned at a stake of flaming fire for his.” (Elder Holland)

The same God who provided manna in the desert for the Israelites made Nephi hunt for his own food.

The same God who gave Hannah a son, lets others struggle through indefinite infertility.

The same God who visited Joseph Smith lets some of us struggle with deep questions for years, potentially our whole life.

The same God who protects faithful armies let the people of Ammon die.

The same God who makes weak things become strong would not remove Paul’s thorn in the flesh.

The same God who led the Prophet Samuel to anoint David a ruler by looking on his heart asks us to individually research and vote for our leaders.

Does this mean that God changes?

Mormon warned:

“The reason why he ceaseth to do miracles among the children of men is because that they dwindle in unbelief, and depart from the right way, and know not the God in whom they should trust.” (Mormon 9)

But was that Nephi’s problem?  Was that Abinadi or the People of Ammon’s problem?

Four years ago, the last time that we were studying the Book of Mormon as a church, a dear friend of mine was struggling through a fertility battle.  She was in her early 40s and had tried so many different fertility avenues as well as adoption, nothing was working.  When we studied this portion, she had just received more bad news, and when the Sunday School teacher said, “If you don’t have miracles happening in your life it’s because you aren’t righteous enough,” it crushed her.  She texted me after church needing to talk through what was going on.  She asked if the reason she wasn’t seeing this miracle come to pass was because she was doing something wrong.  But she felt like she was doing everything she could.

Has anyone else ever felt this?  And wondered where is my miracle? 

As I reflected on her questions and concerns two things came to me:

Timing and Type

Maybe the miracle just hasn’t come YET- and in her case that was what it was.  She now has a 2 ½ year old little miracle girl.

But what if it’s not just timing.  What if it’s one of those Shadrach, Meshack, and Abednego “But if not…” moments.  Are we back to this question of if the day of miracles has ceased.

Where does our mind typically go first when we talk about miracles.  Insert special musical number from Fiddler on the Roof– Wonder of wonders, miracle of miracles.

We like to think about the lion’s den, the parting of the Red Sea, the Walls of Jericho coming down, people saved from fiery furnaces, and other miracles of biblical proportion.

But what if the issue isn’t timing or the ceasing of miracles, what if we just need to look for a different type of miracle.

The Bible dictionary says: Miracles should not be regarded as deviations from the ordinary course of nature so much as manifestations of divine or spiritual power.

While the miracles that DO deviate from the ordinary course of nature are the easiest to recognize, they are not the only type.  Any time divine or spiritual power is manifest it is a miracle no matter how big or small.  The Bible dictionary goes on to say:

“Some lower law is in each case superseded by the action of a higher.”

I think what we need to do in most cases is think outside the miracle box.  After all, if miracles are a manifestation of God’s power and his higher laws- then let’s not box him in by the constraints of our lower lawed minds.

Let’s consider a few of the examples I brought up earlier.  Joseph Smith was granted a remarkable vision in response to his question- he certainly got one of those deviations from the ordinary.  When I have questions that’s not how it goes for me- anyone else???  In fact, Heavenly Father rarely actually gives me a straight answer.  He likes to play jeopardy or something and responds to me in the form of a question for me to contemplate.  So let’s play that question game right now…

What if the miracle of the Restoration isn’t just about the vision, what if it’s not just about the answer?  What if the bigger miracle is that a 14 year old boy was so concerned about the state of his soul that he poured himself into the scriptures all on his own?  I don’t know any of the 14 year old young men here, but I have two brothers and I taught high school for a little while, and I can tell you that this is not typical 14 year old boy behavior. 

And what if part of the miracle was also being led to ask the right question? 

Throughout the scriptures we read about groups who were protected in war because of their faithfulness.  However, the People of Ammon converted then made a covenant with the Lord that they would never fight again and buried their weapons of war in order to keep that covenant.  It was within God’s ability to keep them safe, and yet the Lamanites came upon and killed them- unarmed.  Where was the miracle?  What if the miracle wasn’t about their lives being spared? What if the miracle was their strength to keep their covenant at all costs.  What if it was that more people were converted that day than were slaughtered?

In the Oct. 2007 Women’s broadcast Pres. Monson said “My dear sisters [and brothers], do not pray for tasks equal to your abilities, but pray for abilities equal to your tasks. Then the performance of your tasks will be no miracle, but you will be the miracle.”

 Early in my mission I developed what I have coined as my “angel complex.”  Maybe it’s a sister thing, maybe it’s a Southern thing, but people called me an angel all the time.  And I know it was meant as a compliment, but I felt like a fraud.  I was no angel.  I struggled with a bad attitude and disillusionment from the awkwardness and constant rejection that came from tracting.  If I were an angel then people would actually listen to me instead of shutting me down.  Then to make things even more frustrating, when I was studying in Alma and came across the familiar “Oh that I were an angel” verse it had never dawned on me before that a few verses later he says, “But I do sin in my wish.”  So I already felt like a fraud being called an Angel.  Now Alma’s telling me that it’s a sin to even wish you were an angel.  And I was like, “Seriously Alma, it is not a SIN to wish you were an Angel!!!!”

So this sort of boiled in the back of my mind for several months until I hit a particularly rough day and I thought, “I just want an angel to come down and tell these people…..”  And then it hit me….but I do sin in my wish, because if God wanted to send an angel, he would, but instead he sent me.  What if the miracle of my mission was less about getting all of Florida to listen?  What if the miracle of my mission was me?  That maybe, not in spite of, but perhaps because of my weaknesses the Lord chose me.  That like the Brother of Jared and his ordinary stones made to shine in darkness, the Lord took ordinary me and used me to light people’s way.  And so while I still struggled with accepting being called an angel, if you operate under the definition of an angel being a messenger from God, then to a select few- but very important and amazing people, that’s what I was.  And they were my miracle, and I was theirs.

And you, each and everyone of you can be a miracle every day.

This week has been collectively stressful as we have watched and waited for election results.  Especially here in AZ, where last I checked we were still too close to call.  There are good and faithful people on both sides of this election who have been hoping and praying for the outcome they think is best.  For those who will inevitably be disappointed by the results- will it seem that miracles have ceased?

But what if the miracle is less about who ends up in the white house?  What if the miracle is more about us looking deep down inside to determine what we can do individually to heal and unite our nation?  What if the miracle will be found in following the recent counsel of our leaders to love our enemies, to forgo the anger and hatred with which political choices are debated or denounced in many settings, to avoid anger and hostility toward those with whom we disagree and even be willing to learn from them, to peacefully accept the results of the election, to lead out in abandoning attitudes and actions of prejudice, and to choose to let God be the most powerful influence in our lives? [Taken from Pres. Oaks’ Love Your Enemies and Pres. Nelson’s Let God Prevail.]

In closing let’s bring it back to Moroni.  He doesn’t actually discuss very many specific miracles in this passage, the ones that he does are the Creation, the Fall, Redemption, Resurrection, Judgment, and our final reward.  Let us remember and keep in perspective that the most important miracle is the Plan of Salvation.  So when All You Need is a Miracle and it seems that it isn’t happening- consider the timing, look outside the miracle box, and then look forward with hope in Redemption and Resurrection through Jesus Christ because he is the miracle and then you will also be a miracle.

Photo Credit to Laci Gibbs

Come Follow Me Family Home Evening for Little Ones- March 2020

/ srabbott2 / 2 Comments

Can we take a minute to talk about after church on Sunday.  I’m gonna be straight up, sometimes I feel like church is too short.  Like couldn’t you keep my kids an extra hour AND I teach them at home!!!  Maybe I’ll feel differently when baby #3 comes in May.  But especially now that we are back to 9:00 church, sometimes the rest of the day goes VERY slowly.

Sabbath activities are certainly a very personal decision, we’ve got some general guidelines but for the most part it is up to individual families to decide.  So I want to hear what’s working (or not working) for your family.

Here’s some stuff we do:

-VeggieTales, Owlegories (several episodes are free on Prime), and the Living Scriptures resources on YouTube (anyone have the Living Scriptures subscription, I keep thinking about it- worth it or no??)

-Crafts

-Board games, including this one I made to go with a past FHE Lesson

-When I wasn’t pregnant- walks or kites at the park

-Baking

-Visiting family (but then we sometimes end up with similar down time at their houses)

 

Stuff I always think we should do but rarely happens:

-Coloring pages

-Activities in the Friend

 

Help me come up with more ideas!  For our family we’ve decided to avoid non church related movies and shows and video games on Sundays.  Sometimes if I’m desperate for quiet I give in and let them use the PBS kids app.

 

On to FHE ideas for March!  And we’re back with Children’s scripture resources now that we are getting out of 2 Nephi (which I love and I’m sad there aren’t better children’s resources- one day I might just write one, but that day is not today!)

March 2-8 This is the Way

Children’s Scriptures- Friend Jr Feasting on the Scriptures

Materials: Straight and Narrow Path Game Straight and Narrow Path Printables, path like a balance beam or made out of tape or chalk

Song: Choose the Right Way pg. 160

Explain to the kids that Nephi tells us that to get back to Heavenly Father there is a straight and narrow path.  Use your hands to show straight and demonstrate narrow.  Being baptized is the beginning of the path and then we have to follow it the rest of our lives.  Sometimes we might wobble and fall off but then we can jump right back on!  Use the game or the printables or both to talk through ways we stay on the path and things that might get us off track.

For the game use a die or number spinner and character pieces from another game in your house.  When they land on a space with a picture discuss the picture and let them go ahead an extra space.  At certain points they have the option to go off the path into a red square with a picture of something that takes them off the path- if they choose that (and maybe mom and dad could demonstrate) they go back two spaces.  Bonus- you can add this to your collection of activities to pull out for a future Sunday afternoon, just laminate it or keep it in a page protector!

With the full page printables, create a straight and narrow path either using a balance beam or making a path kind of hop scotch style out of tape or chalk.  Put the distractor pictures to the sides of the path.  Have the kids use the pictures as stepping stones.  Again you would probably want to either laminate or use page protectors.

Pro tip- depending on the program you are using to open the PDF and your individual printer, you should be able to find a way to print 2 or 4 per page if you don’t want to have them so big- especially if you are using a balance beam.  But, each program and printer is different with the settings so I can’t really give a tutorial.

 

March 9-15 Be Reconciled Unto God through the Atonement of Christ

Children’s Scripture Resources: Book of Mormon Stories Chap 10, My First Scripture Stories Jacob and Sherem

Materials: picture of a kid in a swim suit

Song: Two Little Eyes pg. 268

 

Soap box moment:

In Jacob chapter 2, Jacob speaks very boldly about the law of chastity.  He starts by saying that it grieves him to have to speak about this in front of their wives and children but that it needs to be said.  I feel the same way, but based on a recent situation I became aware of as well all of the research and articles and statistics about child molestation, sexual abuse of children, child trafficking, and pornography exposure happening younger and younger this is something we HAVE to talk about again and again and again and it’s never too early to start.

I’m adapting this from a lesson I published back in August when we discussed Corinthians and the analogy of our bodies being temples.  Jacob doesn’t use the same analogy, but it’s a good analogy if you just want to repeat that.

Start by telling your kids that the prophet Jacob in the Book of Mormon taught us about how to use our own bodies appropriately and respecting other people’s bodies.

Explain the difference between secrets, surprises, and sacred or private things.

Secrets can hurt people, we don’t keep secrets. If someone tells you something or does something to you and tells you not to tell mom or dad tell that person that we don’t keep secrets and make sure to tell mom or dad or another grown up what happened.

Surprises are when we don’t tell someone something right away because it will be more fun if we wait. This is like when we buy someone a present, we don’t tell them what it is until they open it.

Sacred, Special, and Private are things that we only share with a few special people. Our bodies are temples and someone has to have permission to touch your body and you need permission to touch someone else’s body.  If someone wants to give you a hug or a high five and you don’t want to you can say no thank you, if they don’t listen then you can move away from them.  If someone doesn’t want you to hug them or give them a high five then you need to listen to them.  If someone uses their body to hurt you, tell them no, get away, and tell a grown up.  We never use our bodies to hurt other people.  Sing the song “Two Little Eyes” now, or again, and emphasize the line “Many more things make me.”  We have parts of our body that are private. Use correct names (so much research on this being super important- NO NICKNAMES!!!) and explain that private places are where a swim suit covers and show them a picture of a kid in a swimsuit. We keep our private places covered, we don’t joke about them, we don’t show them to people, we don’t look at them on other people, and no one has permission to touch them unless mom or dad is helping you in the bathroom or a bath, or if a doctor needs to check and make sure everything is healthy. If anyone tries to touch you in a private place you yell at them, “No, don’t touch my_____,” you run away, and you tell a grown up right away. If anyone tries to show you their private places or a picture of someone with their privates showing, do the same thing- Yell no, run away, tell a grown up right away.  If you are watching a show or using a tablet or phone and a picture of someone without clothes comes on the screen you close your eyes (your two little eyes that blink blink blink- the song tied in again!); turn off, put down, or get away from the screen; and tell a grown up right away.

(Depending on the age and maturity level of your kids you may explain that when you are an adult and married then you may also share your private places with your spouse, it is important that kids hear about sexuality in a positive and healthy way.)

 

March 16-22 The Lord Labors with Us

Children’s scriptures: Book of Mormon Stories Chap 10

Materials: mission tags and pictures, missionary coloring pages

Song: I Hope They Call Me On a Mission pg. 169

Tell the children that the Prophet Jacob shared a story about the history of the whole earth, from before he was born, to when Christ was on the earth, to our time, and even after that.  In our time he said that people would be called to work with the Lord to share the gospel.  Those people are missionaries.

If you or your husband or both of you served a mission pull out your old mission tags, some pictures and any other fun mission paraphernalia (if you served somewhere foreign make sure to have some foods from your mission available!) Talk about what it was like to be a missionary and share some stories.

If neither of you served, talk about someone you know who is serving, invite someone over who served, or even see if the missionaries in your area are available to come over.

Talk about what you can do now to prepare to be a missionary- even if you don’t serve far away we can all share the gospel all the time.  Things kids can do now- read the scriptures, go to church, listen to their parents, invite friends to come to church or activities, etc.

Color some missionary themed coloring pages and send them to a missionary you know or even just the missionaries in your ward.

 

March 23-29 He Works in Me to Do His Will

Children’s Scripture Resources: Book of Mormon Stories Chap 11, Book Of Mormon Stories for Young Readers Enos Prayed, My First Scriptures Stories- Enos

Song: I Pray In Faith pg 14

Materials: Picture of Enos praying, Prayer Printable, extra pictures or drawing supplies

Show the kids a picture of Enos praying and summarize the story or use the Young Readers version linked above.  Use the Printable and/or find pictures or draw pictures* specific to your kids and family to put together a little “cheat sheet” to help them remember what to include in their prayer.  Talk about the steps of prayer (you could sing the second verse of the song a few times).

  1. Dear Heavenly Father
  2. I’m thankful for
  3. Please bless, or I ask thee
  4. In the name…..

Then have the kids practice saying prayers using the little “cheat sheets” they created.

 

*This is a good example of how to differentiate a lesson if you have kids in different age groups.  The older kids could be drawing their own or helping a slightly younger sibling find pictures in a magazine to cut out.  Older kids could also get into more abstract concepts that aren’t easy to find a picture for, and specific questions.

 

Consolidated Materials List:

Straight and Narrow Path Game

Straight and Narrow Path Printables

path like a balance beam or made out of tape or chalk

picture of a kid in a swim suit

mission tags and pictures

missionary coloring pages

Picture of Enos praying

Prayer Printable

extra pictures or drawing supplies

 

 

Image by liggrafie from Pixabay

Trying Again After Trauma: My decision to have another baby

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I frequently see women asking in online forums how other women who have faced traumatic pregnancies and births have decided whether or not to try again.

I was that woman after I had my second child.

Growing up, I legit wanted 8 kids.  When I didn’t get married and start popping them out at 20 I pedaled back to 6.  When my singleness continued a few more years and then I married a student we decided to wait a little longer and figured we’d go for 4 and then see.

But then there I was at 29 with 2 kids and really really unsure if I could handle another pregnancy.

I won’t go into all of the details here, but if you’re interested in knowing the whole backstory to my pregnancies and births here’s my birth stories post.

Here’s the highlights reel:

Pregnancy #1:

  1. I struggle with anxiety, it gets worse while pregnant especially considering that my mother, on top of multiple miscarriages, lost a baby at 38 weeks.  So I don’t feel better once I get to the “safe zone.”
  2. Overall the pregnancy was pretty normal, nothing too crazy.  Started experiencing symphysis pubis dysfunction (SPD) at 36 weeks- I wasn’t expecting to be comfortable, but it was pretty bad.
  3. I went 10 days past due, and had an excessively long labor and ended up with a level 3 tear that was really awful to heal from.

Pregnancy #2

  1. We moved away from a good group of friends 3 days after I found out I was pregnant, I struggled with finding a group of friends in the new area.
  2. My thyroid was being mismanaged which resulted in excessive fatigue and depression.
  3. SPD (or as I have come to refer to it- Hell Crotch) started at 10 weeks.  Literally I went straight from morning sickness one day to extreme pelvic pain the next.  Being in constant pain certainly didn’t help the depression.  I spent hours crying multiple days a week.
  4. My doctor was the worst. I told him I was in pain, he shrugged it off- “yeah, you’re pregnant.”  I finally opened up about the depression, which was really hard for me to do.  He responded, “I don’t treat pregnant women for depression, go for a walk.”  I CAN’T WALK!!!!  I’M IN CONSTANT PAIN!!!!!
  5. My doctor also told me he would induce me early because he didn’t want me to have another big baby and risk tearing again.  I was ok with this because I super hated being pregnant and wanted to be done the moment it was safe for her to be out.  And then he decided not to with no explanation.
  6. Due date rolled around- I was DONE, I couldn’t take it anymore.  The pain was unbearable, and other joints beside my pelvis had started to kill as well.  I was not ok mentally.  I was not suicidal by any means, but I would have gladly accepted a tranquilizer and then have them wake me up when it was over.  I went in on a Monday begging for an induction.  He said no.  Here’s how the exchange went:
    Dr: Maybe we could do Wednesday, wait no, Friday
    Me: Or Wednesday
    Dr.:  What’s 2 more days?
    Me: That’s not 2 days, that 5 days (in my head- “clearly you’ve never been in constant pain if you think it’s ok to put someone through it for extra days- I’m not going to be ok if I’m in pain another 5 minutes!”)
    Dr.: We’ll do Friday but I can see about sweeping your membranes today to try and get things moving.
  7. He swept my membranes with my consent, but he did not warn me of the risk of contamination especially considering I was Beta Strep positive.  He did however tell me that I would bleed a little but definitely shouldn’t go to the hospital until I knew I was in labor because triage gets mad when doctors strip membranes and women show up and have to be sent home, and if I did go in I most certainly shouldn’t tell them that he stripped my membranes.  Yes, I consented, but this was certainly not INFORMED consent.
  8. I bled a little and passed a lot of mucus the next day as expected.  I also started to feel a little gross but didn’t think anything of it because I was overdue and hadn’t felt particularly great in 9 months.  So I was obedient and didn’t go in until I knew I was really in labor.  The thing is that because I was passing blood and mucus I had no idea that I was also leaking fluid all day.  Long story short my uterus had basically turned into a petri dish for Beta Strep.  When I arrived at the hospital I was running a fever, my baby was in distress, I had a very traumatic unplanned natural delivery (still waiting on that epidural!), I didn’t even get to see my baby right away so I didn’t get the rush of endorphins immediately following the pain of delivery, and my baby had contracted Beta Strep so she spent the next 10 days in the NICU on IV antibiotics.

In the months that followed I developed symptoms of post traumatic stress- along with post partum depression.  I would have dreams where my OB was the “bad guy.”  I would have waking nightmares reliving the delivery.  And to make everything worse, my pelvic pain did not resolve.  The thought of ever being pregnant again had me shaking and crying.

About a year and a half later I learned more about Beta Strep.  I knew it was bad, but I didn’t know it could be FATAL for the baby.  That brought back all of the trauma and then some.  Around this same time my pelvic pain had improved through physical therapy, but I would still have flare ups each month with my cycle and if I pushed myself too much physically.

I began to really resent that platitude, “That which doesn’t kill you makes you stronger!”  Because in my experience I was finding that that which didn’t kill me just gave me post traumatic stress.

How on earth could I risk putting myself through more constant pain that might result in permanent damage to my body?  Would it be wise to put myself through another potentially huge bout of depression?  Was that fair to my family?  And how could I make sure that I didn’t pass Beta Strep to another baby?

I’m a planner by nature.  I like to know exactly what I’m doing.  I am not Elsa, I do not long to go into the unknown.  When people asked if I was going to have another kid it was actually really painful because I didn’t know, and it’s hard for me to say, “I don’t know.”  So here’s the first thing I had to learn:

Get Comfortable with the Unknown

There was one other big point in my life where I had to accept moving forward into the unknown, maybe that helped prepare me.  When I was about to come home from my 18 month Latter-day Saint Mission I didn’t know what (more like who) was waiting for me.  I had taken off from my teaching program which followed a very specific set of classes each semester.  While I was returning in January, I couldn’t restart the program until the summer.  I was getting home 2 weeks into the semester but could still enroll in fluffy fun classes if I wanted to (think water aerobics and history of the hymns!).  I hadn’t heard from my boyfriend in a while, so I had no idea what I should be expecting there.  I got permission to start looking through courses on my Preparation Day and kept trying to put together a schedule but nothing was coming together and it was super bugging me.  Finally one day while I was reading in my scriptures, I wasn’t even thinking about my situation and what I was reading was not related at all, out the blue a very clear voice came into my head, “Be flexible.”  I responded, “I don’t do flexible.”  And the voice reiterated, “You need to be flexible.”

I decided not to take classes and figured I could get a job as a substitute teacher because that’s pretty darn flexible.  And as things unfolded, that’s exactly what I needed for that semester.

That all played out over the course of a few months, however, the baby question hung in the air for a couple years.  I didn’t get clear answers when I prayed about it.  Ultimately I had to accept that I didn’t know and had to be comfortable with the unknown.  Keeping options open, but not making plans.

Accepting Agency

Ready for another mission story?  This one is from before the mission instead of the end.  I almost didn’t serve my mission because I almost got engaged.  It was a crazy and very confusing time.  I believe strongly in seeking personal revelation, and I had received a very straight forward answer that I needed to submit my application to serve.  But then life happened and another door opened and I wasn’t sure what to do.  I prayed a lot, I read scriptures a lot, I pondered, I made pros and cons lists, I went to the temple, I did all of the things so that I could get an answer from the Lord.  And here’s the answer I finally got, “These are both good choices.  Make one.”

Lord, I am willing to do EXACTLY what you tell me to do, why won’t you TELL me!!!!

I got to the point where I wished that if I was supposed to go I would get a clear sign and if I was supposed to stay then maybe I would just like break my leg or something just enough that I wouldn’t be able to report to the Missionary Training Center.

One day I was telling a friend my thought process and she gave me some of the wisest words I have ever heard:

“Yes, but what you’re asking Him to do is take away your agency.”

Sometimes the Lord does have very specific instructions for us and we need to use our agency to decide to follow (like when he told me to submit my mission papers, and later when he told me to be flexible).  But I feel like, at least for me, he frequently leads me to a place where I have to make a choice.  God has to make a lot of really difficult decisions between GOOD things all the time.  If we’re going to become like Him, then we are going to have to learn how to do the same.  Ultimately, they were both really good choices, neither would lead me down a bad path they were just different paths, and the Lord wanted me to take ownership over my decision.

When I started actually seeking an answer about whether or not to have another baby, here’s what I got:  “Wanting to take care of yourself and the family you already have is a righteous desire.  You will also be blessed if you have another baby.”

He wasn’t going to tell me what to do, he wanted me to own this decision too.  Thanks.

The Tipping Point

A few months after my little girl turned two, Santa brought her a big girl bed.  Apparently the sleigh didn’t have room for a whole bed so Santa just dropped off some boxes from Ikea and let us disassemble the crib and put together the bed ourselves.  Santa’s real nice like that sometimes.

As we took down the crib I lost it.

My husband tried to comfort me and said, “I know it’s hard when they grow up.”

The thing is, I wasn’t crying about her growing up.  I was crying because there wasn’t another baby to put in the crib.

A lot of my childhood dreams were obviously naive and they’ve changed or I’ve moved on from them.  Others I’ve just had to let go of and that’s ok.  I love my life and in so many ways it has turned out how I NEEDED it even if it wasn’t what I thought I WANTED.  I have no desire to have 8 or even 6 kids anymore.  But never in any reworking of my dreams and plans could I have fathomed only having 2 kids and suddenly I was facing that reality and it hurt at the core of my identity.

In the days that followed I realized I had hit a point where my sadness about being done outweighed my fears of trying again.

I realized I really did want to try again, but I was still really scared, however I was finally ready to face those fears and do something about it.

Take Time to Take Care of YOU

I was rather overweight after my daughter was born- it’s been a lifelong struggle really, but it had gotten really bad.

When she was coming up on a year old I finally found the right doctor to take care of my thyroid disorder.  Amazing how having enough thyroid allowed a lot of weight to melt away (and improved my anxiety and depression dramatically!).

But, I hit another plateau and was doing a lot of yo-yoing.  While SPD is not necessarily based on weight, (it’s more of a hormonal issue- you can be very overweight and not have issues with it, and you can be very fit and still have issues with it) being overweight definitely doesn’t help anything.  And since I was still having regular pain flare ups, getting pregnant on top of that didn’t sound like a good idea.  I knew I needed to lose a substantial amount of weight as well as strengthen my core and maintain it before I would feel comfortable getting pregnant.

I started looking into programs and stumbled upon Noom.  I could write a whole blog post advertising Noom.  It was an AMAZING experience and exactly what I needed.  While it uses calorie tracking it focuses in on sustainability and getting to the root of why you eat the way you do.  It improved my health in ALL aspects of life- physical, mental, emotional, even spiritual.

I lost a lot of weight, but more importantly I built a lot of muscle and was actually sustaining the weight loss.  About a month in to the program my pain flare ups went away.  I had hoped to get back to my wedding weight.  I didn’t quite get there, I got back to pre-first pregnancy weight but was also much healthier at that weight than I had been before my first pregnancy or even 10 pounds lower than that at my wedding weight.

Find the Right Doctor and Make a Plan

I knew I needed to find a doctor I could trust but wasn’t sure how.  My really awful doctor, that you know- could have killed us- he was very highly rated online.  One day a friend of mine opened up about her struggles with depression during her recent pregnancy and how her doctor had helped her so much.  I disclosed that I was considering trying again but needed to find a good doctor and she encouraged me to go talk to her doctor.  I set up a well woman visit to establish care, but was expecting to have to go back in to discuss potential pregnancy related questions.  But the doctor was awesome and talked to me about my questions during the well woman visit.

I gave her the (even more) brief history of trauma I had experienced and amazingly she listened.

When I asked her about depression in pregnancy she responded, “I absolutely treat pregnant women for depression, there are several pregnancy safe meds, but I might encourage you start with counseling.”  Ummmm……besides the pregnancy safe meds, why on earth didn’t my other doctor ever refer counseling???  Certainly can’t argue counseling being dangerous for the baby at all, but you know what IS dangerous making people suffer through depression unassisted and making them feel like their concerns are invalid.

When I talked to her about my issues with SPD she told me that she had a chiropractor that she highly recommended and would absolutely refer me to an Obstetric Physical Therapist if needed.

Based on my prior physical and mental trauma she recommended a c-section.  I told her I had considered that or an induction at 39 weeks because the thought of going into labor naturally was too scary for me because of the risk of passing on Beta Strep again.  And you know what she did, she listened, she agreed we could keep both options open, she didn’t try to push her plan.

She had a few more recommendations of things to do before I started trying again and she talked me through some of the precautions she would take during my pregnancy.

These doctors, they do exist, unfortunately sometimes you have to sift through some crummy ones to find them.  If you don’t like your doctor- fire them!  Find someone who listens and cares.

Keep Taking Care of Yourself!

You are as important as the baby.  I think that’s part of my trauma from my last doctor.  It felt like MY health and MY needs didn’t matter at all.  Of course there are precautions and sacrifices that are required due to pregnancy, but there is so much help available.

Since getting pregnant my SPD has come back.  I got to 14 weeks instead of 10 this time.  Overall it has not been nearly as bad.  I also started seeing the chiropractor she recommended who specializes in pregnancy, and HOLY COW!!  It has been amazing and so helpful.  I also respect my limits and take it easy.  The pain isn’t gone, unfortunately because it is more of a hormonal issue they can’t really solve it, but it’s so much more manageable.

My mood has been so much better, I think mostly due to my thyroid being managed so much better but also not being in debilitating pain all the time goes a long way.  I haven’t needed to be medicated or seek counseling at this point, but knowing that it’s an option if it comes up is probably another key to preventing anxiety.

My husband has been amazing and so supportive through all of this.  Before we started trying again we had several discussions about what would be necessary as far as home maintenance and the kids and he’s been right on board.  I told him if the pain started again that he was either going to have to do most all of the cleaning or we’d have to hire someone.  Being on the same page and having a supportive partner is a really important key.

 

If there are first time or soon to be moms out there reading this- I hope you can learn from this and avoid some trauma.

To those that are in that deciding place- hugs!  I hope this helps you work through some of your trauma and questions.  And if your decision turns out to be no, good for you!  I was talking with a friend about this a few months back and when I told her about how I realized my sadness was greater than my fear she told me about how she actually had the opposite experience.  She had thought about trying again and realized her fear and reasons to be done outweighed her sadness and pain of being done.  It’s so personal, there’s no right or wrong decision.  Like I said before, taking care of yourself and your current family IS a righteous desire.  If you’re on the fence, don’t be afraid to hang out on the fence for a while.