Audiobooks: So that talking to myself isn’t my only adult interaction of the day

I love having the opportunity to be home with my kids.  We do our best to get out of the house, have play dates, go to museums, etc.  They require a lot of brain power sometimes, especially when figuring out discipline.  But it’s a different kind of brain power than I used while working and going to school.  They are a little less intellectually stimulating.

I see women, especially stay at home moms, commenting regularly on the internet about feeling like they are losing themselves.  Me too.  I’ve been there, still there sometimes.  I mean we all love our kids, and for many of us the staying home thing is a CHOICE we made.  But if you’re not careful, kids and basic child and home care can suck the life out of you.

As I mentioned in my birth stories post, I started suffering from depression while I was pregnant with my second.  I then faced a very traumatic birth experience which left me with Post Traumatic Stress on top of PPD and a predisposition to anxiety.  When I say a predisposition to anxiety I mean that when I am at my typical baseline I can cope fine without the help of medication, certain situations and circumstances can put me over the edge, but overall I’m fine and functional.  That wasn’t the case during the pregnancy or after.  I ended up being treated with medication after, which I am so glad I did, but I also didn’t want to be on it forever.

I found a really great primary care doctor who wanted to help me with my goals, we set up a plan for me to take the meds for 6 months and in the meantime work on building up my ability to cope so that I could wean off the meds and be fine.

So she asked me what I could do for ME, something that had nothing to do with kids or home or even my husband, just ME.  I was pretty stumped.  I sing in a community choir once a week, which is awesome and a great outlet, but it’s once a week.  She wanted me to figure something out daily.  She asked me what I used to do before kids that was for me….uh…..this shouldn’t be that hard to think of, but I mean back then everything was for me because I didn’t have kids.  So that was my homework assignment, to take some time to figure something out that could be just for ME.

I did some soul searching.  I mean whatever it was going to be it couldn’t really take up much time because then you have to find babysitters which can end up just adding extra stress and anxiety because then you have to find someone that’s available and hope that you aren’t causing them extra stress, and do you pay them or trade because too much of both would just add more stress and then there’s the financial commitment of going to something like Yoga which is everyone’s first idea of what you should do if you struggle with anxiety, but I’m not flexible so yoga might just be frustrating and add to my anxiety anyway…. and now you probably feel anxious as well as you realize how much my brain over thinks and can’t just do something for me.

So needless to say, yoga was out.  I started thinking about what I felt like I was missing that I used to have.  The two things that came to me were intellectual stimulation and frequent adult interaction.  I have awesome friends, but we’re not together all day like you are with coworkers.

Then the little light bulb went off in my brain.  When I have light bulb moments all the crazy racing thoughts calm down.  For me, that’s how I know that the Spirit is telling me something, the storm of thoughts calms down and I can think clearly through a plan.  Audiobooks that little voice said.  They take no extra time away from my family so I don’t have to worry about babysitters or the mom guilt of leaving them.  I can listen to them while I drive which also fixed the annoyance I was starting to feel at every song on the radio (I think I got old, I can’t stand what the kids are listening to these days).  I can listen while I do housework which makes housework more fun because I try not to think of it as chore time as much as audiobook time.  I pick books that are intellectually stimulating and there’s an adult voice talking at me.  So it doesn’t remove my need for actual adult interaction, but it’s way better than the little voices on Umi Zoomi and Bubble Guppies (although of the kids shows out there I do find these ones less annoying).

Pause- why not just actually read?  For me I struggle with taking the time to sit down and read when there are so many things I feel like I should be getting done.  Also, nothing puts me to sleep faster than reading.  In high school my mom legit read the entirety of Jane Eyre out loud to me because when I sat down to read it within ten minutes I would be asleep.  This also might sound silly, but holding a book hurts my neck and arms- pathetic right, like I should probably do some arm exercises so I can hold the weight of a book up.  Finally, you can’t read and drive so it would cut out a significant amount of my “reading” time.

I’ve been listening to books basically constantly now since January and I’m loving it.  It’s been a great way to use my phone as a tool instead of a trap.  I’ve been very inspired by a lot of the books and also feel like I can have more meaningful conversations.  I was struggling a lot when people asked what I was up to in life, well….kids.  And again, I love my kids and I will tell people about my kids, but now I also have something for ME to add in to conversations.

Side note- I was able to successfully get off my meds a few months ago.  Now, I’m not suggesting that audiobooks are a CURE for depression and anxiety.  But for me, finding something that is fun, stimulating, and focused solely on my interests instead of the interests of my family has helped me feel like me again which in turn has helped me be a better mom and wife.  You’ve gotta take care of yourself before you can really take care of others.

So without much further ado…what have I been listening to and how I access them?  Here comes some unsponsored reviews.

First off, how I access them.  I primarily use the app Overdrive, but also sometimes use Audible.

Overdrive:

Pros:  It’s FREE!!!  You sign in to your library using your library card and then you can access a bunch of audiobooks (or e-books if that’s your thing).

Cons:  It’s free…which means that there are frequently wait lists for more popular books.  Once a book is checked out you have 2 weeks before it disappears on you (but hey, you never have to worry about late fees).  I’ve run into issues before where I’ve been on a few wait lists and suddenly 2 books are checked out to me at the same time, I think if you are watching your place in the lineup and you realize that might happen you can let someone go ahead of you in line, but I don’t pay enough attention and haven’t tried it, so then I have 2 books to finish in only 2 weeks.  You’re also limited to what they have available, you can suggest books for them to buy, but you are left to them to decide if they will or not and on their timetable.

Audible:

Pros: Lots more books, no time constraints because you own it.

Cons: Not free.  Audiobooks can be a little pricey but you can subscribe and then use credits to buy books typically at a discount (except some books cost less than a credit is worth to buy them outright).

I use Overdrive most of the time because I enjoy free, but periodically we subscribe to Audible for a month or 2 to get credits and my husband and I buy a few books at a time.  We have very different book interests so we share an account, but for the most part don’t share books, every now and then we find something for a road trip that we both find interesting.

Now for some book reviews!

I am Malala by Christina Lamb, Malala Yousafzai, and Patricia McCormick:  I kinda feel like this should be mandatory reading for our country right now.  This really helped me understand what has been going on in the Middle East.  It also helped me learn so much more about different groups within the Islamic faith.  I felt empowered as a woman and an educator, I felt my heart grow and develop greater charity, and I felt sad that so many people judge Muslims based on a such a small group of extremists.  If you only read one book from my list, make it this one.

My Story by Elizabeth Smart: very inspiring and well presented.  It’ll make you think twice about leaving windows open or picking up a hitch hiker.  She is very honest and straightforward about what happened to her without being uncomfortably graphic.

Heaven is Here by Stephanie Nielsen: this is about the LDS blogger who was in a plane crash and burned over 80% of her body.  This was really powerful.  I loved how real and open she was about the struggles, both physical and emotional, that she went through in her healing process.  It was really inspiring.

Unbroken by Laura Hillenbrand: Holy Cow!  This is the story of Louis Zamperini an Olympic track star turned second lieutenant in the Army Air Corps during World War II.  He survived 47 days floating on a raft (which is a crazy enough story as it is) only to then be captured and spend the next 3 years in various Japanese prisoner of war camps, only to have to come home and figure out how on earth to piece a life back together.  His story is a beautiful example of endurance, love, and faith.  I learned a lot of things about the Pacific Theater that I didn’t know previously.  I feel like the main focus in my schooling about World War II was on the European Theater, which is really important to know and understand, and there’s only so much time that can be devoted to it, but it was really interesting to learn more about what was going on on the other side of the world.

All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr: Another World War II story, this one is a work of fiction.  This is book is beautiful.  He is really able to paint an amazing picture with words.  The book jumps back and forth following a blind French girl and a German orphan whose talent with radios lands him a high ranking place in the German army.  The story is very touching and really makes you think through difficult topics.  I loved every minute of it.

Animal Farm by George Orwell:  Not sure how I got through High School and then college without ever reading this, but I did.  So glad I finally took the chance to read it.  It’s pretty short.  I listened to it on the way to and from Tucson in a single day.  It’s scary how much it reminded me of our present political situations.

The Life Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo:  Some really awesome ideas, and I’m trying to implement things.  Mostly I wish I could afford to have her come over and fix my house because I’m not sure how I would ever find large enough blocks of time to do it on my own.  A lot of the ideas sounded amazing if you live by yourself, but living with a husband and children a lot of things didn’t feel super practical.  So, unfortunately it didn’t completely change my life like I hoped, but I do get rid of stuff and have found some better ways to keep things organized.  I also really liked her thought that we should say thank you to our possessions for what they do for us but once they are no longer serving a purpose it is time to put them to rest.

Rising Strong and Daring Greatly by Brene Brown: These were life changing.  I can’t say enough about how much I love Brene Brown, her work, her ideas, and her delivery.  I feel like we’re kindred spirits.  She explains her ideas using stories and personal experiences.  If you need help with parenting, leadership, marriage, or just general being a good person then her writing is for you.  I am excited to keep reading more of her stuff in the future.

The Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle: Mind blown- which might have been the point.  There were a lot of things I wholeheartedly agreed with, a lot of things I am still attempting to process, and some things I outright disagreed with.  Which is probably the mark of a good book because it really made me think.  Except his whole point was to stop thinking so hard, so I’m still not really sure how I felt about it.

Beautiful Bodies by Kimberly Rae Miller:  I loved this book.  I felt like in many ways she was writing my story of struggling with body image issues since an all too young age.  It made me cry, made me laugh, made me angry, and left me feeling empowered.  I could go on and on about this topic, but that probably needs to be its own post at some point.  Warning, there is a little bit of adult language and subject matter.  But seriously if you have ever struggled with body image or know someone who does, or you want to help prevent body image issues in your children then this book is for you.

Hidden Figures by Margot Lee Shetterly: I saw the movie first.  The movie was very compelling, interesting, and entertaining, but also stretched the truth a lot and added in story elements that aren’t in the book.  I’m assuming they did this to make it more interesting, because unfortunately while the book has a very interesting topic, I didn’t find the presentation very interesting.  I’m still glad I gave it a listen because I think it is really important to bring out the “Hidden Figures” of history across the board.

Magnolia Story by Chip Gaines, Joanna Gaines, and Mark Dagostino: This one I actually physically read, crazy right!  I had the opportunity to go visit Waco back in February and wanted to read it before I went so a beautiful friend loaned me her copy.  I couldn’t put it down.  They are some really inspiring people.  In fact, this book is part of what gave me the kick to get serious about getting this blog started (it still took me a few months after I finished the book, but here we are so obviously it worked).  I feel like Joanna and I have a lot in common with big dreams, but when she would share those dreams with Chip he would make them a reality.  While I’m still not as willing to take as many risks as Chip takes, in fact if my husband did half the things Chip did/does I would have pretty regular and major freak outs, but it really inspired me to realize that I did need to stop just dreaming, take some risks, and just get moving on things.

Past General Conferences:  These I listen to through the Gospel Library App, not Overdrive or Audible.  This is may be the best of both worlds because they are free and I can listen at my leisure.  Twice a year the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints holds a worldwide General Conference in which the General leaders address us on pertinent topics effecting us in these times.  In many ways its a great opportunity to consider how the scriptures of old apply to us in modern times.  I started listening “backwards” starting with the most recent and then I’m moving backwards through the conferences.  I’m back to 2013.  I’m really enjoying re-listening, there’s been several talks that I had forgotten about that maybe didn’t apply to me in great deal at the time that are really hitting me now.  While this definitely doesn’t replace sitting down and studying, it’s a great way to get a little bit of inspiration in during the day.  And General Conference is coming up again next week!  You can stream it and watch from home or find a meetinghouse near you.

 

Thanks for reading!  I hope you’ve found some ideas for “me time” whether that’s going to be books or not, and if it is books, then I hope you give some of these a gander.

What have you been reading lately???  I’m always looking for more!

 

 

 

Tool vs. Trap

Being the ripe old age of 30, I remember life before the internet and cell phones.  As a child one of my biggest pet peeves was when someone forgot to rewind the VHS because it meant I had to wait longer before my movie was ready.  I watched commercials and was limited to whatever shows were playing at the time.  When I wanted to call a friend I called their home phone and had to talk to whoever happened to answer and then wait patiently for my friend to get to the phone.  At one point, just before my little brother’s voice changed, no one could tell his voice and my voice apart on the phone which made for some interesting conversations when his friends asked if I could come and play or if my friends started venting boy drama to him.  When I started driving, if I didn’t know how to get to a place, I had to mapquest it before I left.  If I got lost, well, good luck.

My kids will never understand the frustration of rewinding.  Goodness, we went on a trip this summer and my son watched cable TV for the first time and couldn’t understand why he couldn’t watch the show he wanted WHEN he wanted, and commercials, those were crazy.  About a year ago, my son, who was 2 at the time, picked up an old corded phone that we keep around as a toy and shouted at it, “Ok google, show me some pictures of dinosaurs!”  With those googling skills, he certainly will never be lost while driving or be in want of random factoids.

I’ve been catching up on some old Star Trek recently on Netflix.  They had the concept down for a tablet to read reports and such from, but they had to have a separate one for each report, book, etc.  It’s a little funny to watch this “future” technology now, when we actually have things that are more advanced.  My cell phone alone holds the Bible, Book of Mormon, other scripture, multiple magazines, and audiobooks, as well as offering me the ability to check messages, emails, the news, and the weather wherever I want all in one hand held device.  Take that Star Trek!

Just in my lifetime I have witnessed some amazing technological advances.  In many ways our society and culture are very different because of these advances and conveniences.

A few weeks ago my phone died.  Not like it ran out of battery died, it gave up the ghost, went the way of all the earth, went to the great charger in the sky.  I had some warning signs, it was kinda coming in and out, so we ordered a new one and I hoped that it would stumble along until the new phone arrived, but none such luck.  It left me with about 5 days with no phone.

It was weird to say the least.  I had to physically write out a grocery list, think of the poor trees that were sacrificed!  I had no idea what time it was when I was out and about, a lot of places don’t have wall clocks anymore.  I didn’t really know what to do with my hands.  And overall, I actually kinda liked it.  Not enough for me to cancel my order for my phone, but it definitely got me thinking about the impact of technology on my life.

Technology can be an amazing tool.  As I’ve already mentioned it allows us to be in contact when we need to, find places easily, and gives us access to the media we want to enjoy.  It has done amazing things in advancing the work of family history, you can track health goals, find recipes, find ideas for basically everything, learn how to replace or fix pretty much anything, stay connected with friends, and share ideas all with a few clicks or thumb swipes.  It is truly amazing and such a blessing.

So then why did I kinda like not having a phone for a few days?

Technology is a blessing and a curse.  It can be such an terrific tool, but it can also be a terrible trap.

There’s some obviously dangerous traps such as pornography, and predators that stalk the internet, but I don’t want to focus on those.  I’m going to focus on things that are a little less obvious.

Before my phone broke I was definitely guilty of aimless Facebook scrolling.  I am by no means anti-Facebook.  Chances are if you are reading this, you found it on Facebook.  I really like keeping in touch with old friends and connecting with new friends.  I regularly use it to plan play dates and it’s how I connect with Lifting Hands International to sign up for opportunities to serve refugees.  But all too frequently it turns into a major distraction.  As a mom who does not work outside the home, sometimes I can start to feel a little isolated.  I think I turned to Facebook thinking that it would help me feel more connected to people, which sometimes it does connect me to people, but more often than not it turned into a mind numbing abyss that distracted me from reality.  You know, like my kids that are growing up too fast, the food that doesn’t cook itself, the dishes that don’t wash themselves, and just actually living my own life.  I would finish a scroll sesh feeling unfulfilled, bored, and sometimes rather anxious.  It got to the point where I couldn’t even claim it was relaxing and I certainly wasn’t feeling more connected to other people.

Now I’m not suggesting that this is what everyone should, or must do, but if you find yourself falling into the trap of aimless scrolling, here’s what I did.  When I got my new phone, I did not install the Facebook app and I vowed to myself not to open it through the browser.  When it was on my phone it was just too easy to hop on when I had a second of time that was not specifically designated for another task, which then turned into too much time.  I didn’t have to think about getting on.  Regularly I would grab my phone to do something else, check Facebook for a second which turned into lots of seconds, and then forget what I actually got on my phone to do.  Now, I have to grab my computer if I want some Facebook time.  It has to be an intentional decision to get on.  Now Facebook serves as the tool it should be.  I use it to connect, make plans, share my blog, and some relaxation time.  It’s far less of the time sucking and mind numbing trap it was before.

This issue isn’t limited to Facebook, really it’s anything that sucks up your time and distracts you from your reality.  It might be Instagram, the news, a game, Pinterest, or whatever other new fangled things the kids are using these days.  All of these have a time and a place and can be amazing tools.  I use Pinterest frequently to find healthy recipes and help with creative ideas.  Playing games can be relaxing and can even help keep your brain sharp.  Keeping up with current events is important for many reasons.  I’m not on Insta- but I hear it’s cool and less political than Facebook.  The problem is when these things prevent us from living our lives.  Are we actually playing with our kids for the sake of playing with them instead of either ignoring them or just hoping for good photo ops to show off on social media.  Keeping up with current events is good until it prevents you from keeping current with your family and friends or contributes to anxiety and depression.  Playing games can be relaxing and mentally stimulating but unfortunately can also take over people’s lives and prevent them from having a reality.  There are so many great ideas on Pinterest, but if you spend all of your time searching for the perfect idea or meal and never actually making them then what is the point.

The April 2017 Ensign (a magazine published by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints), had an amazing article titled “Growing a Healthy Technology Garden.” While published by a church affiliated magazine, notably this article is not specifically religious in nature, I would definitely encourage readers regardless of religious preferences to give it a look over.  The main point that really hit me was creating a “family media plan.”  The author, Marissa Widdison, offers some guiding questions, or if you click on that hyperlink it will take you to a search with several organizations that offer ideas for how to set one up.

I wanted to highlight the first guiding question: When is using technology OK, and for how long?  I can’t answer this for anyone else, I’m still working on completely answering it for myself.  But here’s some things you might consider as you create your plan:

  • Will I designate a certain amount of time, or designate specific times when I don’t use technology (family time, meals, etc.), or a combination of both
  • Are there things I should get done before I allow myself designated media time (household maintenance, exercise, church/ community responsibilities, personal/ spiritual development)

I am working on putting my phone away for specific times to devote to my children without any distractions and have decided not to have any Facebook time until I have exercised for the day.  This is what’s working pretty well for me (far from perfect), but again, figure out what works best for you.

Here’s what I have kept on my phone to make it a tool:

  • Fitness tracker- counting calories, tracking macro nutrients, reminding myself to drink more water, tracking exercise, it’s all super convenient
  • Gospel library app- now instead of browsing Facebook while I feed my daughter her bottles I read scriptures or church magazines- a really great pick me up in the middle of the day
  • Facebook messenger- I can stay connected easily with friend and family
  • Audible/ Overdrive- audio books have kinda become my thing lately, check back later for some reviews of some of the books I’ve “read” recently
  • Organization apps- I’ve got my calendar of course, but also meal planning, and Wunderlist to make checklists that can be shared with my husband
  • Pinterest- so I can access and find recipes conveniently

It’s liberating.  I don’t miss it.  Don’t let FOMO (fear of missing out) make you miss out on your actual life.  Make your devices tools not a traps.

 

Quiet Bins AKA Sanity in a box AKA Momvana

I’m a stay at home mom (although I don’t really like that term, because we don’t really stay home, we get out as much as possible, but I’m yet to find the right title for my job so we’ll stick with it for now).  I have a 3 year old and an almost 1 year old and they are wonderful, adorable, brilliant, and they also are exhausting and are constantly finding new and amazing ways to push my sanity to the brink of extinction.

Being a mom does not come with a lunch break, union required 15 minute breaks, or even actually bathroom breaks.  But, hopefully it does come with nap time.  I love my kids, I love being home with them, I love taking them to do fun and cool things, and I also really love when they are asleep.  I’ve jokingly referred to the moments when they are either both asleep or at least independently entertained as my Momvana, like Nirvana, but for moms.  I’ve come to realize that breaks so I can be productive and just be me for a little while are really important.  If I can focus on me, then the time I am interacting with my kids is much better.  I’m more fun, I’m less likely to resort to screen time, and my patience level is much higher.  When I get a break, I’m more present when it matters most.

When I don’t get a break…I go insane.  It’s not pretty.  No one wants to see that.

So you can imagine a few months ago, when the 3 year old decided to skip naps more often than actually nap, I started going a little insane.

Enter quiet bins aka sanity in a box:

IMG_20170809_140627

We started a new routine.  He still needs to go in his room but he gets a bin, a cup of milk, and a CD to listen to.  If he sleeps then great.  If not, he has enough to keep him entertained for about an hour which is just barely enough time for me to reset and get one or two things done.

He actually falls asleep with his bin at least 50% of the time now.  Today is not one of those days…in fact right now, to prolong the break, he’s actually jumping on couch cushions in his room.  You’ll notice the baby gate in the picture, I do put the gate up in his doorway during quiet time so he can open the door if he wants, but not escape.  Luckily he hasn’t figured out climbing over the gate, so if that’s your kid, sorry, I pray for your sanity.

I gave myself some general life rules when I come up with a crazy idea, because I come up with a lot of them.

  1. Keep it simple
  2. Keep it cheap

I kept trying to think through elaborate plans for how the system would work and I spent far too long searching Amazon for bins.  I ended buying the Iris Stack and Pull Box, 6 pack because it appeared to be the best bang for my buck.  I decided not to worry about designating a box for each day of the week and just rotate through.

I filled the boxes with a lot of cheap stuff.  Since he accesses it alone I wanted to make sure things were either durable, or cheap enough that if he did break them it wouldn’t be a big deal.

Honestly, most of this stuff came from the Target Dollar Spot.  I love that place.  They are constantly rotating items there, so unfortunately a lot of the stuff from my bins has rotated out, but there’s always new stuff to go find.  They regularly have cheap board books, cheap little toys, and recently they’ve had a lot of felt books and magnet sets.  As you look through the pictures you’ll see a lot of those items.  The other items are just things I had lying around the house, toys, cars, thrift store books, and some new books.  I just raided what we had in the playroom because there’s too much in there anyway.  Side note, the toys in the bins, by and large get played with more than most of his toys because he has a designated time and limited choice.  I’m thinking about doing something similar with all of the toys, if only I could just get that organized.

I tried to go with themes for each box, but it didn’t work out perfectly.  I spent a while trying to figure out more and better themes and then realized that my sanity boxes were negatively impacting my sanity, so I gave up on that and dubbed a few miscellaneous boxes or just threw some things in to fill out some of the boxes that had less stuff.

He also listens to a CD while he’s in his room.  I found a second hand CD player at Deseret Industries (a church sponsored thrift store).  I had to try a few out in the store to make sure they still worked, but my hunting eventually paid off.  Then I realized I had no kids CDs so we’ve been grabbing some from the Phoenix Library.  Someone cooler than me could probably figure out a more technologically savvy solution, but the CD player was like $3 and the CDs are free to check out so it fulfills my rules for being cheap and easy.  Currently he is loving the Disney songs and story CDs.

These have seriously saved my sanity.  So if you have a kid trying to give up naps, I would definitely suggest giving this a try.  Give yourself a break so you can find your Momvana be the mom you need to be.

Here’s pictures of each bin so you can get your idea juices flowing.  Remember the KISS method (Keep it Simple Stupid!)